Awkward

Joel Dean, Founder of Joyful
Last updated October 30, 2026

Feeling awkward means not knowing how to act in a moment, as if you don't quite fit it: the pause that goes on too long, the hug that turns into a handshake, the goodbye you say twice. It's lighter than embarrassment, because nothing has gone wrong.

Hands, pauses and the weather

You don't know where to put your hands. You laugh a beat late. The conversation stalls, and you hear yourself say something about the weather.

Later, on the walk home, you replay it.

Nothing went wrong in public, and that's what separates it from embarrassment: you just couldn't find the rhythm everyone else seemed to have, and the not-finding is the whole feeling.

Example

"At my partner's work party I stood with a drink and no one to talk to. When someone finally said hi, I talked too fast about my commute and then we both just stood there."

Two guesses that run too low

The verdict after an awkward talk is often some version of "they thought I was weird."

People underestimated how much a new conversation partner liked them and enjoyed their company, whether they were strangers talking in a lab, new college roommates or adults meeting at a workshop.¹ The researchers called it the liking gap. It showed up in short and long talks, and among roommates it lasted for months.¹

The second low guess comes before the talk. Commuters asked to chat with a stranger on a train or bus had a more pleasant ride, while other commuters predicted the opposite, partly because they underestimated how interested the stranger would be in talking.² The connected page has more on that experiment.

The replay on the walk home is a biased witness. It keeps your stumbles and drops the other person's warmth.

Self-conscious, then awkward, then embarrassed

The three can arrive in that order.

Self-consciousness comes first: you're aware of how you look and sound, as if someone is grading, and it makes you stiff. The stiffness feels awkward. You're unsure how to act and the moment feels off, though nothing has gone wrong yet. Then a slip in front of others turns it into embarrassment.

If the grading feeling is the main one, the self-conscious page fits better.

Lines for the next awkward minute

Nudge your guess up. After a conversation, guess how much the other person liked you, then raise it. The liking gap studies found people's guesses ran low.¹
Ask the next question. Attention on the other person leaves less for watching yourself. "How do you know the host?" works almost anywhere.
Name the moment lightly. "This is the part where we both try to leave at the same time." A small shared joke turns awkward into ordinary.
Write one thing that went fine. The replay finds the stumbles. Make it find one moment that worked too.

Journal prompt

Think of the last moment that felt awkward. What would make the next moment like it a little easier? Write one line you could say.

Answer this with Joy

Questions people ask about feeling awkward

Why do I feel awkward around people?

Often it's that watching yourself while you talk makes the rhythm harder to find, since part of your attention is on your own face and voice. Not knowing the unwritten rules of a new group adds to it: when to sit, how long a story should run, who laughs at what.

How do I stop thinking about an awkward interaction?

Notice that the replay is one-sided. It's built from your view of yourself, and the other person's view of you isn't in it. Write what happened in two lines, add one thing that went fine, and close the page.

Not by itself. Everyone has awkward moments. Social anxiety disorder is an intense fear of being judged or embarrassed that leads people to avoid social situations. It lasts at least six months and gets in the way of daily life.³ If that sounds like you, it's worth raising with someone trained to help.

Embarrassed: what awkward turns into after a slip.
Self-conscious: when you feel watched and graded.
Insecure: when the doubt goes deeper than one moment.
Loneliness: when avoiding the awkward part leaves you alone.