Labeling
Labeling is turning one action into a judgment of the whole person. "I forgot to send the invite" becomes "I'm such an idiot." The action is something that happened once. The label claims to be what you are, and it sticks long after the moment is over.
- Also called: Labeling and mislabeling, or global labeling.
- Listen for: "I'm such a...", "I'm a failure", "He's a jerk", "What an idiot".
- Close relative: Overgeneralization, which turns one event into "always". Labeling turns it into "I am".
- One question to ask: What did I do, as a verb, instead of what am I, as a noun?
From "I did" to "I am"
David Burns called labeling an extreme form of overgeneralization: instead of describing a mistake, you attach a label to yourself.1 Mislabeling is its close cousin, describing an event in loaded, emotional words, as in "I gorged myself like a pig" for "I ate more than I meant to."1
Labels point outward too. "He's lazy" and "she's selfish" turn one evening's behavior into a fixed fact about a person.
A fixed fact is hard to talk about, and easy to fight about.
- Label: I'm a terrible friend.
- What happened: I missed her call twice this week, and I haven't called back yet.
- Label: He's so lazy.
- What happened: He left his dishes in the sink tonight.
The fair half and the leap
Each of these made-up examples starts with something that did happen.
"I shouted at my son this morning. I'm a bad mother."
"I said something hurtful in the argument. I'm a horrible partner."
"I skipped the gym again. I'm a lazy slob."
"I got the figures wrong in front of the director. I'm incompetent."
"My neighbor didn't wave back. He's so rude."
The shouting happened. The wrong figures were real.
The second half of each sentence is where one moment, on one morning, becomes a whole identity.
Where a label lands
A label often comes with a hot face or a sinking feeling, and an urge to hide. You might replay the moment on the drive home with the label attached, or you avoid the person who saw it for the rest of the week.
Some labels arrive in someone else's voice, a parent's at the dinner table or a teacher's in front of the class, and hearing them that way makes them feel older and truer than they are. Joel, who writes these guides, describes calling himself broken and weak during an anxiety crisis in his story.
Shame says "I am", guilt says "I did"
June Tangney and colleagues draw the line this way. Shame is a negative judgment of the whole self: "I am bad." Guilt is a negative judgment of one behavior: "I did a bad thing."2 A label is the language of shame.
The two don't do the same thing to people. In their review, proneness to shame was linked to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and other symptoms, while guilt, measured apart from shame, mostly wasn't.2
Guilt can lead somewhere. Feeling bad about one act points to something you can repair: an apology tonight, a fix tomorrow, or a different choice the next time the same situation comes around.
A label offers nothing to repair, because it says the problem is you.
Calling yourself by name
How you talk to yourself in the minutes after the mistake changes how it lands. Ethan Kross and colleagues ran seven studies in which people thought about a stressful moment using their own name or "you" instead of "I".3 Those people felt less distress, performed better on stressful social tasks such as giving a speech, and replayed the event less afterward.3
"I'm an idiot" and "Maya, you forgot the invite" are about the same evening.
Only the second sounds like something you'd say to a person you're on the side of.
Rewriting a label
- Turn the noun back into a verb. "I'm an idiot" becomes "I forgot to send the invite." Write the exact action, with a time and place.
- Add the rest of the record. What else did you do that day, or that week, that the label leaves out?
- Talk to yourself by name. Try "Sam, you missed one email. What do you want to do about it?" That shift from "I" is the one Kross tested.3
- Imagine a friend did it. Would you call them an idiot to their face? Socratic questioning has more ways to get outside your own head.
- Name the repair. Write one small thing you could do: say sorry, send the invite now, or ask for the figures to be checked.
- Describe other people by what they did. "He didn't wave back" leaves room for a reason you don't know, like the sun in his eyes.
The thought record is a good place to write the label, then the facts on both sides. Burns' full list of 10 is on the cognitive distortions page.
When the label won't come off
If one word about yourself, "useless", "worthless", "a failure", has been running for weeks and colors most days, that's worth bringing to a therapist. The core beliefs page explains how a label like that can sit under many smaller thoughts.
Write down one label you gave yourself this week, word for word. Now rewrite it as a sentence about what you did, when, and one thing you could do next.
Answer this with JoyQuestions people ask about labeling
What is labeling in cognitive distortion terms?
It's attaching a fixed, global label to yourself or someone else because of one action or event. It's one of the 10 distortions on David Burns' list, paired with mislabeling.1
Isn't calling myself lazy just being honest?
Honest would be "I didn't go for a run today." "Lazy" goes further and claims to explain every day. You can change a description. A label tells you there's nothing to change.
Can labeling be about other people?
Yes, and it's common in arguments. "You're so selfish" leaves the other person nothing to answer except a defense. "You made plans for Saturday without asking me" names something you can both talk about.
Related
- Thinking patterns: guides to every distortion, plus the worksheets.
- Overgeneralization: the step just before a label.
- Should statements: the broken rule that comes first.
- Thought record: look at one label, step by step.