Unsure
Feeling unsure means not knowing what to think or do: which job to take, whether to say something, what you even want. Your mind goes back and forth, and every option comes with a "but."
- On the wheel: Scared, then insecure, then unsure
- Nearby: Self-doubting, insecure, confident
- Often comes with: Lists of pros and cons, asking around, putting it off
- Often points to: A choice that matters, and missing facts, time or trust in yourself
Leaning one way at night, the other by morning
You open the apartment listings again. You ask a friend, then another, and get two different answers.
After a while, not deciding starts to feel like a decision of its own.
"I got two job offers in the same week. One pays more, the other has a better team. I made three spreadsheets and still couldn't pick, so I asked for an extension on both."
The jam study, pooled
You may have heard that too many options make people freeze, a claim best known from a famous jam-tasting study. Pooling 50 experiments with 5,036 people, a meta-analysis found that the average effect of more options on choice and satisfaction was close to zero, with large differences between studies.1
More options even helped when people already knew what they wanted.1
That moves the problem. Being unsure often has less to do with the number of choices and more to do with not knowing what you want from the choice.
Perfect can't be confirmed
There are two broad ways of choosing. Maximizers look for the best possible option, and satisficers look for one that's good enough. The more someone leaned toward maximizing, the less happy, optimistic and satisfied with life they said they were, and the more regret and depression they reported, in seven samples.2 Their purchases pleased them less too, and they compared themselves with other people more.2
If you're hunting for the perfect option, every choice will feel uncertain, because there's no way to check that it was perfect.
Before the choice, about yourself, or after it
Unsure is the feeling before a choice, when you don't know what to pick or think. If the doubt is about you, your ability or your judgment, the closer word is self-doubting. If you've already chosen and you're uneasy about how it will turn out, that's apprehensive.
Deciding without being sure
- Name what's missing. Facts, time, or someone's view? Each has its own fix: get the facts, set a deadline, or ask one person you trust.
- Write what you want from the choice first. Two or three things, in order. Options get easier to compare once you know what you're comparing them on.1
- Set a "good enough" bar. Decide what would make an option acceptable, then take the first one that clears it. That's how satisficers choose.2
- Give yourself a deadline. "I'll decide by Friday at 5." Open-ended thinking tends to loop.
- Flip a coin as a test. Watch how you feel when it lands. Relief or disappointment tells you what you were hoping for.
What would help you decide: more facts, more time or someone's view? Write the two or three things you want most from this choice, in order.
Answer this with JoyQuestions people ask about feeling unsure
Why am I so unsure of everything?
Constant uncertainty can come from stress, low mood, a habit of chasing the perfect option, or a big transition in which the old guides no longer fit. Trouble making decisions is among the signs of depression, so if it comes with low energy and trouble concentrating most days for weeks, talk to a doctor.3
Is it bad to feel unsure?
No. It often means the choice matters to you and you're taking it seriously. It becomes a problem when it stops you from choosing at all, and most choices can be adjusted after you make them.
Related
- Self-doubting: questioning your own judgment.
- Insecure: worrying you aren't enough.
- Regret: what can follow a choice, and how to handle it.