Stressed
Feeling stressed means being under pressure from demands that feel bigger than your time or energy: a deadline, a sick parent, bills, a move. Your body gears up to meet them, and it can stay geared up until the demand lets go.
- On the wheel: Scared, then overwhelmed, then stressed
- Nearby: Swamped, frazzled, worn out
- In the body: Fast heart, tight shoulders, shallow breathing, poor sleep
- Often points to: A demand that matters to you, and doubts you can meet it
The list that runs while you brush your teeth
Your shoulders creep up. You sleep, but badly. You snap at people who aren't the problem.
The National Institute of Mental Health defines stress as the physical or mental response to an external cause, and that cause can be a one-time event, like a job interview, or something that repeats for months, like caring for a family member.1
"My daughter's school called about a fight, my car needs a repair I can't afford, and my boss moved the deadline up two days. All on Tuesday."
Outside pressure or inside alarm
Stress and anxiety feel alike and turn up together, but the NIMH separates them by where they start and how long they last.1
| Stress | Anxiety | |
|---|---|---|
| Starts with | Something outside you | Your reaction, sometimes with no clear trigger |
| Lasts | Usually until the situation is resolved | Can stay even with no immediate threat |
| First question | "What is being asked of me?" | "What am I afraid will happen?" |
The deadline passed and the dread stayed? Then the anxious page may fit better. If it's too much at once, see overwhelmed.
A racing heart, read two ways
What you believe about stress may change how your body handles it. In one study, short films that framed stress as either enhancing or harmful shifted how viewers thought about it. In another, people who saw stress as enhancing had a moderate cortisol response under pressure and were more open to feedback.2
The same goes for the pounding heart. People told that their racing heart during a stressful task was their body helping them perform showed healthier heart and blood vessel responses than people given no instructions.3 Their attention was also pulled less toward negative information.3
Stress stays unpleasant either way. The jitters before a hard task may still be your body getting ready.
Mine, someone else's, or can wait
It's a good move to make first. Write every demand on one list, then give each a mark:
- Mine: this is yours to handle, and soon.
- Someone else's: you picked it up, but it belongs to a partner, a coworker or a sibling. Hand it back.
- Can wait: real, but nothing breaks if it waits a week.
Stress shrinks when some of it goes back where it belongs.
Looking after the body under the load
- Read your body as preparing. "My heart's pumping because this matters." That's the shift from the reappraisal study.3
- Protect the basics. The NIMH lists keeping a sleep routine, regular meals, exercise and less caffeine among ways to cope.1
- Write it down. Keeping a journal is also on the NIMH's list.1 Two lines at night are enough to get the list out of your head.
- Tell one person. The NIMH lists reaching out to friends or family who help you cope.1
Which demand is the heaviest, and is it yours to carry? Write your list, then mark each item: mine, someone else's, or can wait.
Answer this with JoyWhen it outlasts the deadline
The NIMH suggests talking to a professional if coping is hard or symptoms don't go away.1 Watch for stress that stays after the situation has changed.
Questions people ask about feeling stressed
Why do I feel stressed for no reason?
There's usually a reason, though it may be a small and scattered one: many little demands, poor sleep, or something you're avoiding thinking about. Weeks of stress with nothing going on can look more like anxiety, which the NIMH notes can stay even without a current threat.1
Is stress always bad?
Not always. Seeing stress as enhancing went with a healthier response in the studies above.2,3 Long stretches with no relief are a different matter, and they can wear people down. That's one road to burnout.
Related
- Overwhelmed: when there's too much at once.
- Anxious: when the weight is "what if".
- Tense: when stress lands in your muscles.
- Burnout: when stress has gone on too long.