Hopeless
Feeling hopeless means you can't see any way for things to get better. The future looks closed, so trying feels pointless. In one study it tracked failing to picture good things more than expecting bad ones, which makes one small good thing ahead a real place to start.1
- On the wheel: Sad, then despairing, then hopeless
- Next to it: Helpless
- Nearby: Defeated, despairing
- Often points to: A future you can't picture anything good in, yet
"Why bother?"
Hopelessness is quiet more often than dramatic. It shows up as a shrug: you stop answering the listing, stop booking the appointment, stop mentioning the plan, until "why bother?" sounds like plain common sense.
The thoughts go "it won't work", "nothing changes", "I've tried everything". The days fill with fewer plans and more hours in bed or on the phone, and the body feels heavy and slow, tired before the morning has started.
"Everyone keeps telling me it'll get better. I nod. Inside I'm thinking, you don't know that, and honestly neither do I."
The good you can't picture
In 1996, Andrew MacLeod and A. Byrne asked people to list, against the clock, future experiences they were looking forward to and ones they weren't.1 Worry tracked how many bad things people expected.1
Hopelessness followed a different pattern altogether: how few good things people could come up with at all.1
That changes where to push. The feeling is often less "I'm sure bad things are coming" than "I can't see anything good ahead", and the answer to that is small and concrete: one good thing, however tiny, that you can picture.
Hopeless, helpless or discouraged?
| Feeling | What it says | Where the doubt sits |
|---|---|---|
| Discouraged | "That didn't work, and I'm less keen to try." | One goal |
| Helpless | "There's nothing I can do about this." | Your own power to act |
| Hopeless | "Nothing is going to get better." | The future itself |
If the stuck point is your own power to change things, read helpless. If hope has gone for life as a whole, read despair.
When hopelessness is a warning sign
Feeling hopeless, empty or trapped, or having no reason to live, is on the National Institute of Mental Health's list of suicide warning signs.2 If hopelessness comes with thoughts of not wanting to be alive, call or text 988 in the US now, or your local emergency number. You don't have to be sure it's "bad enough".
Lasting hopelessness is worth a doctor's visit even without those thoughts. The NIMH counts hopelessness or pessimism among the signs of depression when signs last most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks.3
Steps small enough to be boring
- Picture one good thing this week. A meal you like, the next episode of a show, a call with one person. Write when it could happen.
- List what has helped before, even a little. Hopelessness can wipe the record of what once worked, so write anything down: a walk, a person, a song, a night of real sleep.
- Take a step before the mood moves. Send one email. Wash one dish. Behavioral activation, a depression therapy with trial support, starts with steps like these before mood has shifted at all.4
- Borrow another view. Tell one person, "I'm feeling hopeless about this." They can't fix it, and they may still see options you can't see from here.
Name one small thing you could look forward to in the next seven days, even a tiny one. Write when it could happen and what would make it a little more likely.
Answer this with JoyQuestions people ask about feeling hopeless
Is it normal to feel hopeless?
Many people feel hopeless at times, after a long run of setbacks, loss or exhaustion. Common isn't the same as something to sit through alone, and with thoughts of death it's a reason to call 988 today.2
What do you do when everything feels hopeless?
Shrink the time frame. Tonight, rather than next year. Then shrink the step to one thing, and tell one person how you feel.
Can hopelessness go away?
It can shift when circumstances, support or health change, though it rarely feels that way from inside. Because the feeling hides good possibilities from view, other people and small actions can show you what it leaves out.1