Confident
Feeling confident means trusting that you can handle what's in front of you. You don't need to be sure it will go well. You need a sense that you'll cope whatever happens, and its most dependable source is what you've already done.
- On the wheel: Happy, then proud, then confident
- Nearby: Accomplished, secure
- Opposite: Unsure
- Often points to: Experience you can lean on
Quieter than people expect
Your voice stays steady. You can say "I don't know" without shrinking, and you start the task instead of circling it.
Loud confidence is the version people picture, but the everyday kind barely makes a sound.
"The first time I led the Monday meeting, my hands shook. By the tenth, I'd stopped writing out every word. Something had shifted, and I hadn't noticed when."
Bandura's four sources
Psychologist Albert Bandura called the belief that you can do a specific thing self-efficacy, and he described four places it comes from.1
| Source | What it means | One way to use it |
|---|---|---|
| Doing it | Having done this, or something like it, before | Take a smaller version of the task and finish it |
| Seeing it | Watching someone like you do it | Find a person a step ahead of you and watch how they handle it |
| Hearing it | Someone you trust saying you can | Ask for one specific piece of feedback on what you did well |
| Your body's signals | How you read a racing heart or shaky hands | Read them as your body getting ready |
He saw doing it as the most dependable of the four, because it rests on your own experience.1
Confidence tends to follow action more than it comes before it.
The power pose that didn't replicate
A famous 2010 study reported that holding two expansive "power poses" for a minute each raised testosterone, lowered cortisol and made people more willing to take risks.2 A 2015 replication with 200 people found no effect on those hormones or on risk-taking.3
People who posed did report stronger feelings of power.3 Standing tall may change how you feel for a minute, but it isn't a shortcut to the confidence that comes from the first row of Bandura's table.
Confident, cocky or unsure?
- Confident: "I can handle this, and I'll learn if I can't." Steady, and open to feedback.
- Cocky: "I can't fail." Confidence that has stopped checking. See proud for the two kinds of pride.
- Unsure: "I don't know if I can." Normal before anything new. See insecure.
Building it one finished step at a time
- Shrink the task until you can do it today. "Say the first two minutes of the talk out loud" is a task you can finish tonight, and each finished step is evidence.1
- Keep a done list. Write down hard things you've already handled. It turns past experience into something you can reread.
- Watch someone a step ahead. A coworker who started last year teaches you more than an expert who started 20 years ago.
- Expect nerves. Nerves don't mean you aren't ready. Read a racing heart before something new as your body getting set. For more, see how to be more confident and affirmations for confidence.
Where does your confidence come from in this part of your life? List three things you've already done that prove you can handle more than you think.
Answer this with JoyQuestions people ask about feeling confident
Can you be confident at work and insecure on a date?
Yes. Self-efficacy in Bandura's sense is about a specific thing, so it's normal for it to be high in one part of your life and low in another.1
What is the difference between confident and arrogant?
Confident people trust their ability and still listen. Arrogant people act as if they're above others and stop listening. Confidence is about you and the task, and arrogance is about you compared with everyone else.
Related
- Proud: the feeling confidence sits inside.
- Insecure: when you doubt you're enough.
- Inadequate: feeling not up to it.