Worried
Feeling worried means thinking over and over about something that could go wrong: the money, the test result, the kid who isn't home yet. The mind keeps circling one question and never lands on an answer.
- On the wheel: Scared, then anxious, then worried
- Nearby: Dreading, nervous, uneasy
- Often sounds like: "What if...?" on repeat
- Often points to: Something you care about, and a future you can't control
Then what? Then what after that?
You lie in bed running the same scene. What if the payment bounces? Each answer opens another question, and an hour later nothing is solved and you're more tired than when you started.
"My son was supposed to text when he got to his friend's place. Twenty minutes passed. I'd already pictured a car accident, a hospital and the phone call before he finally wrote 'here.'"
Worry is mostly talk
Worry seems to run on words: a steady inner monologue, with little imagery. That was the finding when researchers compared people with generalized anxiety disorder to people without it, and when people without anxiety were asked to worry, their thinking shifted from images to words as well.1
The researchers' suggestion was that worry may work as a way to dodge vivid, emotional images and the body sensations that come with them.1 Talking to yourself about the bad outcome keeps it at arm's length.
That buys a little relief each time. It may be part of why the habit is so hard to drop.
How-questions and why-questions
Going over things again and again can help people recover from upsetting events, plan ahead and stick with healthy behavior, and the same habit can feed anxiety and low mood, according to a major review of repetitive thought.2
How concrete the thinking is made one of the differences.2 Concrete thoughts ask "how": how will I pay the bill, what's my first step. Abstract thoughts ask "why" and "what does it mean": why does this always happen to me.
| Kind of worry | Sounds like | Where it goes |
|---|---|---|
| Concrete | "If the payment bounces, I'll call the bank at 9." | Toward a plan |
| Abstract | "Why can I never get ahead?" | Around in a circle |
In the review, the first kind was more likely to get somewhere, and the second to go around. If your worries race straight to the worst case, that pattern has its own name: catastrophizing.
Turning a what-if into an if-then
- Make it concrete. Rewrite "what if" as "if X, then I'll do Y." One sentence, one next step.2
- Give worry an appointment. Saving worries for a set half hour each day is an old method. In an early trial, worriers who did it had less daily worry than a group that didn't.3 The worry time page walks through it.
- Write it instead of thinking it. On paper the loop slows down, and you can see when you've written the same line three times.
- Ask what you'd see. Since worry is mostly words,1 try picturing the outcome plainly and asking what you'd do. Once it's a clear picture with a plan, it often feels less huge.
- Notice how long it's been going on. If worry fills most days, is hard to control and has lasted months, the anxious page covers when to see a doctor.
What is the worst case, the best case and the most likely case? Write each in one line, then one thing you'd do if the most likely case happened.
Answer this with JoyQuestions people ask about feeling worried
Is worrying the same as anxiety?
Worry is the thinking part of anxiety: the repeated "what if" thoughts. Anxiety also lives in the body, as a tight chest or restlessness. You can worry without feeling much in your body, and you can feel anxious without one clear worry.
How do I stop worrying about everything?
Pick one worry, not everything, and turn it into an if-then plan.2 If worry still runs most of your day after a few weeks, a therapist can help; CBT has well-worn tools for it.
Related
- Anxious: when the body is bracing too.
- Apprehensive: uneasy about a result ahead.
- Catastrophizing: jumping to the worst case.