Agreeableness
Agreeableness is the Big Five trait for warmth, kindness and getting along with others. On average, high scorers are caring, trusting and quick to make room for other people, and low scorers are direct, skeptical and willing to push back.
- The two ends: Direct and skeptical, to warm and accommodating.
- Compassion: Caring about how other people feel and what they need.
- Politeness: Respect and restraint, and not pushing others around.
- In the free test: Six statements count toward the warm end and four toward the direct end.
Nine statements about caring, one about manners
Start with what the free personality test asks. These are the IPIP's 10 agreeableness statements, phrased with "I", and the four on the direct side are scored in reverse.1
| Statement | Agreeing counts toward |
|---|---|
| I feel little concern for others. | Direct end |
| I am interested in people. | Warm end |
| I insult people. | Direct end |
| I sympathize with others' feelings. | Warm end |
| I am not interested in other people's problems. | Direct end |
| I have a soft heart. | Warm end |
| I am not really interested in others. | Direct end |
| I take time out for others. | Warm end |
| I feel others' emotions. | Warm end |
| I make people feel at ease. | Warm end |
Only one of them, "I insult people", is about politeness. The rest ask whether you care.
A kind person who is blunt in meetings will likely score high here, because the scale is mostly measuring compassion.
Kind and blunt at the same time
Researchers who split each Big Five trait in two named this trait's sides Compassion and Politeness.2,3 They come apart more than you'd guess from the word "agreeable". One person feels deeply for others and still argues hard in every meeting, on every point, with anyone who'll argue back. Another is polite to everyone, and warmth doesn't come into it.
Do nice people earn less?
On average, yes. Across three studies, more agreeable people earned less, and the gap was larger for men.4 A fourth study, an experiment, pointed to a reason: backlash against agreeable men.4
On pay, at least, nice guys did finish further back.4
In an argument, and at home
Agreeableness was the Big Five trait most closely tied to how real disagreements played out, in a study that had people log their conflicts in diaries for two weeks.5 More agreeable people reacted differently and picked different tactics.5
At home, the person who gains is the partner. Across 19 samples with 3,848 people, partners were more satisfied when the other person was more agreeable, and the same held for lower neuroticism and higher conscientiousness and extraversion.6
Two more findings, briefly. In long-term studies, agreeableness changed only in old age.7 And its tie to anxiety and depression was weak in a review of 175 studies.8
Took the shift, or said the plan wouldn't work
Toward the warm end
Typically, you notice when someone is upset, offer help before you're asked and smooth over tension, and people find you easy to work with. The cost? Saying yes when you mean no, or keeping quiet to keep the peace. If that's familiar, the people-pleasing page goes further.
Toward the direct end
Typically, you say what you think, question what you're told and hold your ground. That's useful when a deal needs negotiating or a hard truth needs saying. Some people will wish you'd softened it.
Near the middle
Warm by default. Willing to push back when it matters.
"She looked tired, so I took her shift without being asked, even though I'd planned to rest." (toward the warm end)
"I told the group the plan wouldn't work and why. A couple of people were annoyed, but we changed it." (toward the direct end)
Was there a moment this week when you said yes but meant no? Write what you would have said if nobody's feelings were at stake.
Answer this with JoyQuestions people ask about agreeableness
Is agreeableness a weakness?
Neither end is. High agreeableness goes with smoother conflicts and happier partners, and with lower pay, especially for men.5,6,4
What is the opposite of agreeableness?
The low end of the same scale: direct, skeptical and competitive. Psychiatry's DSM-5 has an alternative trait model with five domains it describes as extreme versions of the Big Five, and the one on this trait's low side is called antagonism.9
Can you be too agreeable?
You can pay for it in income, on the pay studies' average.4 If you agree to things you don't want, practice a plain "no" in low-stakes moments first, like turning down a second helping or a call you don't have time for.
Related
- Know yourself: the section hub.
- Free personality test: see where you fall on all five traits.
- Extraversion and neuroticism: two of the other four traits.