Affirmations for letting go
Letting go rarely works by force. "I won't think about them anymore" tends to bring the thought straight back, a pattern seen in thought suppression studies.1 Affirmations for letting go work better when they let the thought visit without holding on to it: "This thought can visit. It doesn't have to stay."
Choose the one that feels true today. You can save it as an image on your phone.
If saying an affirmation makes you feel worse, let it go. That's common, and a smaller, truer sentence may fit better. If you're thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 in the US, or see crisis resources.
Six affirmations for letting go
- "This thought can visit. It doesn't have to stay." It stops the fight that keeps the thought around.
- "I can't change what happened. I can choose what I do next." It moves your attention from the past to the next hour.
- "Letting go doesn't mean it didn't matter." For the fear that moving on erases what happened.
- "I can loosen my grip on this, a little at a time." Letting go is usually gradual. This line allows that.
- "I'm allowed to stop replaying it." You've gone over it enough times to know how it ends.
- "When the memory comes back, I'll turn to what's in front of me." It gives your attention a place to go.
Pick one and write it down where the memory usually catches you, such as the notes app you open at night.
More lines for letting go
Fourteen more, split by what you're trying to let go of. A person, a grudge, a mistake and something you can't control each need different words.
A person
- "I can wish them well from a distance."
- "Missing them doesn't mean I should go back."
- "I can delete the messages when I'm ready, not before."
- "The good parts were real, and so is the ending."
A grudge
- "I can remember what happened without rehearsing it."
- "This grudge is costing me sleep. I can put it down for tonight."
- "Forgiving isn't the same as trusting again."
A mistake
- "I made a mistake. I'm not the mistake."
- "If I can make amends, I will. Then I can stop punishing myself."
- "I know things now that I couldn't have known then."
- "I can be sorry and still move forward."
Things you can't control
- "Some things aren't mine to fix."
- "I can do my part and leave the rest."
- "Other people's choices aren't mine to carry."
Why pushing a thought away brings it back
In a well-known experiment, psychologist Daniel Wegner asked people to talk through whatever came to mind for five minutes, but not to think of a white bear. If they did, they rang a bell. They couldn't stop it. Afterward, when allowed to think about the bear, they thought about it more than people who'd been told to think of it from the start.1
There was a useful second finding. People given one specific thing to think about instead, a red Volkswagen, were less preoccupied with the bear later.1 That's what lines 2 and 6 do. They don't tell your mind to forget. They give it somewhere else to go.
- I have to stop thinking about them: The thought can come up. I don't have to follow it.
- I should be over this by now: Letting go takes as long as it takes.
- I'll never let this bother me again: When it comes back, I'll notice it and turn to something in front of me.
"Every time I pass the coffee shop, I replay the argument with my old friend. Now I say: I can't change what happened. I can choose what I do next. Then I text someone I'm meeting this week."
Grudges cost something in the body
In one lab study, 71 people thought about someone in their own life who had hurt them. When they rehearsed the hurt and nursed the grudge, their heart rate and blood pressure rose and they felt worse. When they imagined empathy and forgiving the person, their stress responses were lower and they felt more in control.2
That was one short lab session, and it doesn't show long-term health effects. It does show that replaying a hurt isn't neutral. Your body goes through some of it again.
Letting go isn't the same as excusing what someone did, or staying in contact with them. You can set down the replay and still keep your distance.
What are you trying to let go of? Write what happened in three sentences, then write one thing you'd like to do with the energy you've been spending on it.
Answer this with JoyWhen it won't loosen
Some things stay stuck because they were frightening or because they're still happening. If a memory keeps coming back with fear, nightmares or a sense of reliving it, or you can't stop going over a loss months later, talk to a therapist. For worry that loops about the future, the affirmations for overthinking fit better.
Questions people ask about affirmations for letting go
How do I let go of something I can't change?
Stop trying to stop thinking about it. Let the thought come up, name it, and turn to something specific you can do now. "I can't change what happened. I can choose what I do next" is a line for exactly that moment.
What is a good mantra for letting go?
"This thought can visit. It doesn't have to stay." It's short, and it doesn't ask your mind to do the impossible job of forgetting on command.
Is letting go the same as forgiving?
No. Forgiving is one way some people let go, and in the study above, imagining forgiveness went with a calmer body.2 But you can let go of replaying something without forgiving the person, and without having them back in your life.
Related
- Positive affirmations: how to word a line for something you can't change, plus every other situation.
- Affirmations for overthinking and affirmations for grief.
- Affirmations for new beginnings, for what comes next.